Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Her First Time!


I always hated this idea of telling girls to behave themselves, to teach them the ways to behave and the things not to do etc. i thought it was making them do something they didn't themselves believe, its like asking them to give up their innocence. when i thought these things i viewed life from the way i was treated and not as the person, a guardian to their ward. i never knew that one day i will know what is to be a parent and a guardian and face the same situations as i had once faced but from different quarter. and that too as soon as this.

when a girl reaches her puberty she menstruates. it is natural and normal but to get adjusted to a common phenomenon isn't easy. i don't remember much about the time i first had it. all i remember is, i knew everyone is my class had it and i was among the last few. and i was almost pinning to have it as if to prove i was worthy. silly i know,but at 13 i knew what was coming my way and i was kinda prepared. so adapting to it wasn't easy. but now when i see my niece going through the routine but with a difference. she was totally unaware of what was coming her way, that i feel helpless and a lot grieved,after all she is my ward in my sisters absence [my niece is staying with me currently, most of you know i think :)] its just hard to see a girl flower into a young lady, to give up her innocence to mature and deal with life, to finally come to grips that life wont be the same, and this is going to be there for life. it cant be easy but there is no option but bear it up, but what do most of us do? give the little one a hard time. what i entreat you is to speak out against such atrocities if you spot one. the lil girl needs understanding, she needs advice and she needs lots of love and care; don't subject her to superstition and unholy comments on right or wrong, gently initiate her into the perils of womanhood.

still on the topic of menstruation or periods or chums... there are several atrocities and superstitions that ladies are subjected to sadly at the hands of their mothers and grandmothers who hand down age old beliefs and customs which become a matter of tradition and ritual after a period of time. but what we don't realize is there is a solid reason behind it all. like our mothers tell us not to enter kitchen in those days, the actual reason is, women folks usually don't get reason, at least on such a pretext they get some time off from daily chores but this has been twisted into a grotesque tradition of barring women from entering kitchen fearing her to pollute the kitchen. then there are other pet peeves like not sleeping on the bed. basically to avoid staining people preferred sleeping on the ground. but if you are aware that you don't stain yourself then you can surely sleep on the bed. but then we have seen cases where the girl is made to sleep on the floor, treated as an out caste because of those days, which is repelling and disgusting.

I must commend serials like BalikaVadhu for talking about sex,women rights, puberty and highlighting the plights of women and the anomalies that are committed against them, through such a huge media in hopes of dispelling popular discrimination towards women. its a rather bold but honest step, something that needs to be hailed as progressive and a beacon that will justify women's position to the male dominated society.

please feel free to share your experiences on your first time... and tell us your take on this...be bold... remember its natural and happens to all.. if you speak out you may just help another person to deal with such issues far better.

16 blandishes:

Som said...

Very enlightening post .. sorry that I can't add anything from my personal experience .. :P

But surely has seen some superstition around me, the whole unholy thing... it is strange even educated indians believe in it ..

In the post its written that "this is going to be there for life" ..but I thought there is something called Menopause ?!! :o

Phoenix said...

@som
ya menopause is going to be there.. but once you have menstruation it is going to be there for the next40-45 years.. and that's almost a lifetime yaar... just imagine!!

yamini meduri said...

yes, its a very hard time....i know...!!!

the first time was a very bad experience for me...here there are lot many rituals...we are not touched..in fact we are treated as untouchables...and many more my dear..it was like a hell..!!!

n to me....it ruined my health...i had to undergo a major operation 2 years back because of it...it was a do or die time for me......get operated or leave this world...!!!

then i thought....i will not have a girl child.....i cant see her facing all the trouble...!!!

so, it was never happy facing such girlie situations...the only one reason which makes me sad of being a girl..!!!

Ria said...

My first time was perfect, in the sense tht i was not at all worried or scared coz my mom had told abt it to me b4 it happened to me. So i jus went and told mom tht it has happened and thats it. I feel very lucky to hav a mother who has always made sure tht i m well informed abt everything.

Ria said...

hey i forgot to mention one thing....thts a gr8 initiative taken by u coz i knw hw tricky is it to write on these topics.

Mithe said...

You know something, what caught my attention was the positivity with which the whole thing was written..
I liked the ring of positive note that you added here when you told about the significance of the age old traditions...
great work!

americanising desi said...

i think i like the tune of the post :)
yea i dunno but i cant recall much of what had been, but this sure is nice :)

Harshita said...

Well me and you had a chat abt it yesterday too and I think the lil angel needs a bit of pampering and then we need to make her understand what it is like and that it is something really normal.

And this does not stop her from living her life.:)

Phoenix said...

@yamz

im so sorry to hear you had to go through that ordeal.. i can never understand why do wwe women do through all this when guys are spared et all..

Phoenix said...

@ria
thanks a ton for the pat on my back :)

and as for being informed.. you were really lucky..i too wanted to inform my niece but unfortunately my sister decided against it thinking there was still time.. anyway... what done cannot be undone yet next time.. a thing like this can be avoided

Phoenix said...

@mithe
aww thanks a ton! this means much :)

Phoenix said...

@americanising desi
yeah my memory has blurred a lot too.. i guess i have become a few years too 'younger'

Phoenix said...

@harshita
yeah i know and im making sure this is going to be remembered as a time when we was made to feel comfortable and not because someone gave her a hard time :D :)

Onthewingsofadream said...

I dont belive we still have those superstitions ...

I was well informed and even had a pair of whispers (samples )given to us on an awareness campaign few days ago ...I was too well aware , even knew about excercises to prevent cramps ...but damn till date I get that bad tummy ache ...

I have heard some mothers and docs even dnt allow girls to take a pill , I keep a pill with me all the time , Its so stupid to bear pain ...

I just take care not to go to temple on first 2 days ...as i have been told that its not allowed in hinduism ....I donno if everyone follows that ...

good post , and I think we need to educate guys also when they grow up , there is nothing to be ashamed of ...I made it a point to educate my bro , my cusions and all I could ..I normally used to paly with my bro a lot ...but during thise days .i'll simply announce dnt touch my tummy ,..I am down ..

Phoenix said...

@Onthewingsofadream

ya i know they say pills are bd but ya i keep them handy too as cramps do get unbearable for me.

educating guys are very important i hope we can do that in this platform..

do keep visiting... :)

nitwit said...

my first tym was realy very bad .. i jave amom who think all these topics should bve taboooed. i was 11 only .. and it happened .. i was unware and and wen she noticed the spot he starts abusing me coz of having an early period ... i still remeber the day and i hate her 4 that fucking response